A Break.

Sometimes that's all I need. No, not a 15 minute break to breathe some fresh air, but a good long break from my every day life of motherhood/ housewife.

Every year since my mom moved here 20 some years ago she went to the Greens Show at the fairgrounds. This falls the first weekend of December and every year my Aunt and Grandma came down to join her for the craft show. When I finally came of age to join them without driving my mom crazy by running around and screaming and crying, I was overjoyed! I felt like one of the adults! Unfortunately my Grandma suffered from bad hips so after one walk up an aisle of booths she needed to stop and take a break, so my mom and Aunt went back down the aisle to make sure they didn't miss anything. After doing this with them 2 or 3 times I would get bored and take off on my own. Every year we did this, and every year we came away with hand made gifts, tasty homemade candies, and lots of laughs and memories.
Once I started high school my annual trips to the Greens Show came to a halt. For those who live in the Salem/Keizer school district this makes complete sense. Snoball. The girl-asks-boy formal winter dance happened to fall on the same weekend as the greens show, so for those 4 years I skipped the trip with mom, Aunt, and Grandma. This was unfortunate. My senior year of high school my Grandma didn't attend the Greens Show eiteher. She was in the midst of losing a fight with colon cancer. Aunt came down and went with mom then to the church's Christmas program, and I dressed up and went out with the boy, and had a blast.
Of course, the following December I had a little 3 month old, but I rejoined the fun and went to the Greens Show! This was great....except I had the little 3 month old who required a lot of attention making the shopping a challenge. SooooI skipped the following year! Then last December I took my newly - reacquainted best friend J with me to the Greens Show! This once again wasn't the same however, because this time I was pregnant. Nothing is wrong with pregnancy, now! I just got tired really easy and, like Grandma, felt the need to sit down a lot.
So, December of 2009 comes around, and I plan to go to the Greens Show with mom, Aunt, and J all at the same time. Its been forever! The night before I'm so very excited to have a break from both of my kids, hubby will stay home with them for as long as I need!.....
Around 6 in the morning hubby gets up to fix the fire, and hurts his neck.
I knew from the moment it happened that my day was not going to go as planned. I was able to go to the Greens Show, but spent a lot of time texting back and forth, and less than 2 hours in had to come home. Now don't get me wrong, I didn't mind helping my hubby when he needed me, but the disapointment of losing the freedom was horrible. Through this past week I've struggled, needed to get some space, and felt simply depressed. Until now
Hubby, amazing hubby agreed to take both of the boys grocery shopping (not something ANYONE would ever want to do) and dropped me off here. The Governor's Cup in downtown Salem. Listening to people talk, the smell of coffee and goodies, music quietly playing in the background. It's tranquil. I am alone. No whining, crying, nose-wiping, schooltime, snacks, diapers, spilled juice, broken toys, and repeated questions of "Why?" and "can I watch a movie?" and may I have something to drink?" Just me. My computer and some yummy eggnog chai. Alone.
Alone.